Circle In The Sand

By E.J. "Samadhi" Whithouse

A personal memoir of a woman's emotional and spiritual journey - from troubled teenage years in the '70s to spiritual enlightenment in the new millennium. Her soul wounded by her father's incestuous advances toward her, the author travels through several Middle-Eastern countries - an odd choice for a woman on a quest for sexual and self-identity, healing, and escape from her family - particularly her father. Without family support, she struggles to find spiritual wholeness, love of self, and her own truth. 

In the war-torn Middle East, she encounters volatile political situations, the constricting laws of different countries and religions, as well as a confusing mix of social and moral behaviours. Throughout her travels, the poverty, terror, and brutal female oppression she often observes heighten her own sense of self-hatred. Meanwhile, her teenage pregnancy, the baby girl she was forced to surrender, and her father's inappropriate actions haunt her memory. Her personal struggles with being gay, as well as denial, rejection, and harsh treatment from her family, further convince her that she is worthless as a woman - and non-existent as a child of God. 

But as she looks through the windows of her past, and into worlds many of us will never enter, she slowly begins to understand that her introspective journey has led directly to her soul. And this insight brings her to an acceptance of being gay, to her own belief in spirit, and to a sense of belonging. 

For all its raw honesty about many painful subjects-including the rape and execution of women in the Middle East - Circles in the Sand evokes the exotic tastes, sounds, and beauties of Arabia. And it shares with us the poignancy of women engaging together when temporarily apart from men - and briefly freed from their forced restraints. 

The author's journey into the light of self-acceptance - from a dark place where her sexuality kept her in chains - will resonate with the many who have struggled with becoming open and comfortable about their homosexuality. Her lifetime quest to have her own voice heard will speak to a wide range of today's women, whose internal struggles for acceptance are the same. 

The cycle has not yet been broken, but that time will come, as the young women of today listen to the voices of the past - and discover the wisdom of those women who have already walked a labyrinth of circles in the sand.